An extrovert on loneliness

The problem with TV shows and movies about friendships is that it makes it seem like loneliness is something you have to beat. Live close to your friends, find community, have a family, be nice to people and you’ll never be alone. Unfortunately, you can have everything and everyone at your fingertips and loneliness will still find its way in. But that’s the one thing that loneliness has going for it— it’s inevitable. Predictability is a great bonus the older you get.

I have always been lonely. I distinctly remember being 7 or 8 years old and getting this awful feeling in my stomach every Summer when my birthday was approaching. Summer birthdays were hard when you were younger. I mean, sure, your parents had to take on all the pressure of actually funding and throwing you a great birthday, but you had to find friends to invite to the party. Friends who you played with outside of school enough that your parents had their parents’ numbers. Friends who liked you enough that they wouldn’t completely forget you existed the second they weren’t seeing you five days a week. Real friends. As an adolescent? That’s a lot of pressure. I was so afraid that the friendships I had worked for all year would flop in the face of that pressure, and, I wouldn’t just spend the entire Summer lonely, but my birthday too. I as afraid of loneliness then. Today, as I write this, a semi-healed grown ass woman, no longer a sad seven year old, I have learned not just to expect loneliness, but to embrace it.

Don’t get me wrong I still brace myself at the idea of friends canceling last minute or getting good news and having no one to share it with. Oof, that initial urge to run from those feelings is still strong, however, it is now followed by the active reminder that being alone presents you with time to connect with yourself. When your friend cancels on dinner, you can still go to dinner and treat yourself. Only, now, you’re given the opportunity to really experience the food and be present rather than trying to focus on another person at the same time. When you get that good news, you get to have a full and unbridled reaction by yourself. You can scream, dance, even cry. You can feel, and feel only what’s happening within you without needing to explain those feelings to someone else. Plus, having good relationships is all about wanting to be around someone because they make you feel good not just wanting to cure loneliness. When you take the edge away from loneliness, those filler relationships begin to fall away and your left with genuine relationships that make you feel loved even when those people aren’t present. What people in your life make you feel loved even when they aren't around? When did you recently overextend yourself just to avoid being lonely? What activities can you do to connect with yourself when you feel lonely?

Feel free to share your thoughts down below.

As always, stay kind, babes.

Tahini Tortellini Pasta Salad

Tortellini

Broccoli

Cherry Tomatoes

Your choice of protein

Cook all the items to your liking and mix with the sauce:

THE SAUCE: Tahini, lemon juice, dill, parsley, salt, garlic, mustard powder, cold water. Mix with immersion blender, measure with your heart.

Top with parmesan and a drizzle of olive oil.

Share with friends or treat yourself.