Not The Mama

Let’s talk about motherhood. Actually, scratch that, let’s talk about opting out of motherhood. Over the years I have swayed back and forth over the idea of wanting children. Some days I think that raising children in today’s world is a futile effort. I mean the world is dying, humanity is savage, and the state of maternal healthcare in the U.S. has reached dystopian levels of terror. Yet, other times, when I am around the younger generations of my own family or spending time with my mother, marveling at the parts of her that are effortlessly woven into me, I wonder if creating a living legacy could be the most fulfilling thing I could ever do.

The truth is, I don’t take issue with either choice. What exhausts me is the idea that fulfillment is only found through motherhood. I recently came across this quote from the great Tracy Ellis Ross: “Childless women have been mothering the world and elevating culture as aunties, godmothers, teachers… you do not need to push out a baby to push humanity forward.” It brought me to tears almost instantly.

 I cannot imagine the sacrifice that motherhood is, nor can I fully grasp the beauty that is becoming a parent. However, in my childless years, I have nurtured both friends and strangers alike, I’ve created stories, businesses and ideas that have inspired others. I may not have been able to look into my child’s eyes and see my own soul, but I’ve stared deeply through a friend’s tears and encouraged them to grow.

The best part about being childless is that I’ve had the TIME and SPACE to give others the parts of myself that I might have given my own children. We celebrate career women for their sacrifices, but, childless career women are labeled as selfish. I know plenty of women who have managed both motherhood and careers, but I don’t know a single one who would say neither suffered as a result. You simply can’t do both without compromise. Even if society encouraged that duality (which it most definitely does not—just look at the lack of childcare), motherhood requires immense focus, time, and energy.

Choosing to become a mother is a righteous and beautiful decision. But isn’t opting out a significant sacrifice, too? Why isn’t it enough for women to nurture society in other ways? And how do we recognize the women who have helped us grow, even if they never became mothers themselves?

Feel free to share your thoughts down below.

As always, stay kind, babes. I’ll see you next week.

Aunt Abby’s Creamy Chicken Soup

When your niece/phew has a cold or your buddy is having a rough day

Ingredients:

Chicken breasts

Chicken broth or bouillon

Egg noodles

Fresh garlic ( I use the Trader Joe’s frozen cubes often for soups)

Yellow onion

Zucchini

Carrots

Potatoes (whichever kind you’d like even sweet would work)

Spinach

Cream cheese

Butter

Flour or Arrow root powder

Garlic powder

Onion powder

Curry powder

Mustard seed powder

Instructions:

>Prep zucchini by slicing, salting, and covering with a paper towel to draw out moisture

>Toss ½ TBS of butter, diced yellow onion, and garlic into a pan and saute until fragrant.

>Add breasts to slightly cook the outside flipping as necessary

>Add broth or bouillon and turn heat to medium heat, don’t boil!

>Begin to add spices, always start least complex or most preferred to most complex/ least preferred

>After a few minutes add chopped potatoes

>After a few more minutes toss in carrots

>Once chicken is cooked, remove and slice or pull

>Before returning chicken to pot, add cream chs and flour or arrow root powder starting with about a tbls of each to desired thickness. I opt for adding more cream cheese or even butter over more flower in most instances, this adds flavor along with thickness. However, if your broth is showing oil bubbles or seems overly fatty, flour or AR is a better choice. Ensure that your broth is a little less thick than you want it before adding the noodles as they will also add to the viscosity

>Add cooked chicken and zucchini and egg noodles

>Leave on medium to low heat until noodles and zuch are a desired texture